:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
