when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
