people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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