The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
