we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
