Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
