My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
