I can't watch pbs sober anymore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
