doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
