I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
