she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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