We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
nutella sex= disaster
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
