No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
