about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
