great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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