I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
