im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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