Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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