it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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