definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
