Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
