his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
