i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Congratulations! We have a period
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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