Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
