i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
