How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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