He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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