rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
