i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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