ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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