My boss' voice literally gives me gas
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
