I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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