i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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