I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
