I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
