so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
