I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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