I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
