I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
