But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
