Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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