I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
