when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
