im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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