New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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