just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
