just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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