We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
