oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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