The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
